I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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