I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
