She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And then he peed in my hair
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