I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
