I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
