tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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