How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
