eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
