Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
