The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she peed on how many people?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
