If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
