we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
