So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize