I just pynch a tree in the face
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
