did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
