is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
