I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
