Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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