What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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