i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
