we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
