how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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