Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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