I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
