And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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