apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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