mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
