She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
