I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
