oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The Olympian is in my bed
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