Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
