I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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