i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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