well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
