Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
