All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
third nipple confirmed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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