how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
