are you so shy because you have an std?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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