She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
