Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
