just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
