sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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