I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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