I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
