my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
