I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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