i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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