his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
