Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize