I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
