we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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