don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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