K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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