I feel like abortions should bother me more
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
