I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
