this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
