We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
