I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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