she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
did i walk over a car last night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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