Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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