just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
