it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
