Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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