funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
