I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
